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A Very Potter Sequel

by StarKid Productions

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LUCIUS: Don't ever tell me what I can't do I'd watch my tongue if I were you for all we know, you-know-who could be watching us YAXLEY: [spoken] "He can't be, he's dead!" LUCIUS: You think that's stopped our plans before? You've no idea what I have in store! You really think that you'd be at my door if we had nothing to discuss? He may be gone, but that is just as well... So come inside, don't you fret for it's not over yet! DEATH EATER CHORUS: Evil plans! We are making evil plans! Evil deeds with evil hands! We love making evil plans! LUCIUS: I know it seems impossible, we've been thrown off our track. But if we can't move forward, why shouldn't we move back? Friends and companions of evil and sin: Think not of loss, but a new way to win. For what is present without a beginning to start it all? YAXLEY: [spoken] "Go on..." LUCUIS: There is a boy that everyone knows; The plan is simple: I propose that we choke cut the weed before it grows up and ends it all Do you follow me? DEATH EATER #1: [spoken] "No." LUCIUS: The Dark Lord? Would have survived, had they never met... DEATH EATER #2: [spoken] "So you're saying that he wouldn't be destroyed?" LUCIUS: He'd be alive, what don't you get? DEATH EATER #3: [spoken] "Still not understanding..." LUCIUS: With Potter gone, the future will be set! DEATH EATERS: [spoken] "Aaahhhhhh!" LUCIUS: ... So it's not over yet! DEATH EATERS: Evil plans! What a brilliant evil plan! Malfoy, you're an evil man! We love making evil plans! ALL: Our history is nothing more than what the losers settle for LUCIUS: So look alive, and don't forget that's it's not over ALL: It's not over, No, it's not over yet!
RON: You're Harry Freakin' Potter! You don't understand you're a legend, man, to us all! Every son and daughter-- RON & THE KIDS: [spoken] "SAFE!" RON: ... From You-Know-Who, all because of you! You were small, but I wonder if you can recall... [CHORUS: Oooo...] RON: Long story short, this guy, [whispered] "Voldemort" was super cruel... HARRY: [spoken] "Voldemort?" THE KIDS: [GASP!] "SHHH!!!" CHORUS: Oooo...] RON: ... Tried to kill you & your parents, and this is where it gets intensely cool... Even though you were a tiny little boy, you shoulda died but you survived and then destroyed this evil guy and it's story we enjoy to tell.... RON & THE KIDS: You're Harry Freakin' Potter! We don't prefer Gandalf, Merlin, or Oz, You're a whole lot hotter! With that lighting scar, you're a superstar to us all! If we're in trouble we know who to call! [DANCE BREAK] RITA SKEETER: You're Harry Freakin' Potter! I wouldn't wince at all, you're invincible to all harm! Like betty crocker-- RITA SKEETER & THE KIDS: [Oooh!] RITA: ... I wanna eat you up! No one'll beat you up with that charm! Remember, Harry, kid, you're the Boss, you're the King, you're the Bomb! HARRY: But this is all so sad, I mean, my Mom and Dad were killed, long ago... THE KIDS: [Long ago they died!] HARRY: ... I wanna be psyched, but being unliked is all I know... CHORUS: [... All he knows, that's why--] HARRY: I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate, an opportunity eleven years late... I guess it's time for me step up to the plate and show 'em that I'm something great! I'm Harry Freakin' Potter! I'll do what I can if what you say I am is true! I can't be bothered by my awful past, I've found at last something I can do, so it's time I knew exactly who I am... I'm Harry Freakin' Potter! THE KIDS: You're Harry Freakin' Potter! HARRY & THE KIDS I'm/You're Harry Freakin' Potter-- HARRY: ... And I'm the Man! THE KIDS: [Ahhhhhh] HARRY & THE KIDS: [spoken] "HARRY FREAKIN' POTTER!"
HARRY: Hermione can't draw, Hermione can't draw, THE GANG: Hermione cannot draw. She only reads books, And she can not draw, Even if she's reading A how to draw book. Lupin can't sing, Lupin can't sing, Lupin cannot sing...
DUMBLEDORE: I bet you're the one who gets all of the boys to buy you things. UMBRIDGE: I'm sure that you get all the girls to beg you for their wedding rings. DUMBLEDORE: I like your twisted humor! UMBRIDGE: I like your mystic rumors! DUMBLEDORE & UMBRIDGE: I'd say we can assume we're gonna get along! UMBRIDGE: You're not like average Joes, or Jims or Tims or Johns. DUMBLEDORE: ... And I'd wager that you'd never run from danger with those muscles made of bronze! I can safely shout without a doubt that it won't take very long... DUMBLEDORE & UMBRIDGE: ... Before we're getting-- --and not regretting-- ever setting on gettin' along! [DANCE BREAK] DUMBLEDORE: You are a beautiful sample! For example, my gosh-- you're so strong! What's-a matter with me? UMBRIDGE: Now you're just flattering me! DUMBLEDORE & UMBRIDGE: ... Oh, how we're both just gettin' along! UMBRIDGE: I've never felt this way before... DUMBLEDORE: [spoken] "Felt how?" UMBRIDGE: [spoken] "Um, intimidated..." ... You have such prominence and poise. DUMBLEDORE: [spoken] "Oh, that ol' thing--" ... Baby, it's just me, Dumbledore. So just try to relax, face the facts: You feel just like one of the boys! UMBRIDGE: [spoken] "One of the boys? I do?!" DUMBLEDORE: [spoken] "You sure do baby!" UMBRIDGE: Yes sir, you're the one professor that'd II'd want detention from! DUMBLEDORE: Umbridge- you're the handsome wizard that'd I'd want an extension from! UMBRIDGE: [spoken] "... And I'd give it to you!" DUMBLEDORE: I'll get the door! UMBRIDGE: You'll get much more! DUMBLEDORE & UMBRIDGE: Either way we can't go wrong... With how shamelessly and how famously we're both just getting' along... We'll be get, get, gettin', get, get, gettin', gettin' along!
LUCIUS: There are so many douchebags in the world. Yes, so many douchebags get the girls who deserve more than absolutely anything than any charm or potion could ever bring. But men like that, they have her on a string, and they don't care, For there will always be guys like Potter. To realize tears in your eyes because he got her. She'll never ever know how much you'd have brought her... If you'd only done something more for the one, back when you were young... SNAPE: So many assholes in this place. So many assholes in my face! Why can't they leave me alone-- To love princesses, maids, and queens? They wouldn't ever be in between... LUCIUS & SNAPE: We'd them nice and never be mean. And we would care... But there will always be guys like Potter. Who'll quench the flame like it's a game with drops of water He'll never think her perfect as you/I thought her... LUCIUS: ... But now you're alone, left to pout and moan, 'cause you were totally pwnd.


The amazing (partial) soundtrack for the most successful internet-based parody musical of the Harry Potter series ever! A VERY POTTER SEQUEL!

Harry and his pals are back for more adventure than ever when they face off against dark wizards, demented monsters, and the most horrible woman in the world, Dolores Umbridge! So strap on your diapers because it's time to go back to Hogwarts!


released July 31, 2010

A Very Potter Sequel written by Matt Lang, Nick Lang, & Brian Holden

Music and lyrics by Darren Criss


all rights reserved



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