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Alfred:
Poor Master Bruce, poor Mr. Wayne
Lonely caboose on a one car train.
And it pains me to watch you amble along
This track of loneliness I laid down for you.
I remember that horrible night, the night you were split in two
And I swore I’d protect you (and I haven’t).
So I built a wall all around you, but the wall was too tall
And it blocked out all of the birds and the sun.
I tried to raise you right, I tried to raise you proper.
I tried to be a mentor and a friend, and a mama and a papa too.
And insulate you from any outside source of fright.
And make bloody certain you’ll never see another
Dark, sad, lonely night.
Batman:
As I look at my life I see something’s not right
Like a thousand percent.
And I wonder what it is, how it is that it’s always just me here
Crying alone at the end of the night, ten thousand percent.
Put most of the blame on Alfred.
How come he couldn’t take the bullet intended for mama and papa?
I never had a pony. I never had pets.
Just a bullshit butler, who builds bullshit jets.
Oh! I’m falling apart, I need a friend.
Somebody to hold on to. Somebody to confide in.
Think of the children, next time you gun down their mama and papa.
Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa.
I was seein’ a girl for a while, a couple days anyway
And I told her I loved her.
She said you’re such a good friend and that rash is bad
You should really go see a doctor.
Then she just disappeared, sent me some text about bad timing
And my love being selfish.
Then my doctor called up and the blood came back and as it turns out
I’m allergic to peanuts and shellfish.
I loved peanuts and shellfish once.
I’m falling apart, I’m lacking punch.
I can barely eat. This morning I barely touched my brunch.
Two spoons of oatmeal, a couple of nuts, and half a banana.
And like my soul, the banana was bruised and black.
I’m falling apart, I need a friend.
Somebody to hold on to, somebody to confide in.
Somebody to ride in the cockpit
Co-captain of the friendship ship.
Or maybe just a friend ship.
If I had a buddy, we could discuss
Just what we call friendship.
I want to be somebody’s buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back.
I want to be somebody’s buddy
Anybody but a dumbshit butler.
(repeated)
Superman:
I want to be somebody’s buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back.
(repeated)
Green Lantern:
I want to be somebody’s buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back.
(repeated)
Batman:
I want to be somebody’s buddy.
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2. |
HMB Cast - Rogues Are We
02:14
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Scarecrow:
Line up, sign up if you’re looking for some sin.
Poison Ivy:
And a dirty way to win.
Penguin:
Get pissed, enlist, tap in to the devil within.
Mr. Freeze:
Let the villainy begin.
Rogues:
We’re joining forces, we’re making clever quips.
We revel in malevolence.
Four thousand horses of the apocalypse.
Mr. Freeze:
Giddy up Gotham.
Cat Woman:
Giddy up, up, up.
Rogues:
We’re going rogue, rogue, rogue!
Rogues are we.
Cat Woman:
We are the harlots and the hussies.
(Rogues are we)
Mr. Freeze:
We are the swindlers and the cheats.
(Rogues are we)
Poison Ivy:
We’re rising up from the underground.
(Rogues are we)
Penguin:
We’re taking over your streets!
Riddler:
Riddle me this I’ve got a puzzle that put you to tears.
I’m cruel but never crass.
Penguin:
Look no further than here to see a penguin without peer.
I’ve got a certain touch of class.
Scarecrow:
I made a fear toxin in the form of gas.
Then I wear a scary mask.
Mr. Freeze:
I’ve got ice in my veins!
Poison Ivy:
Venom on the vine. I’ll weed out any wussy.
Cat Woman:
I’m a pretty little kitty, but I ain’t no…
Rogues:
Rogues are we.
Cat Woman:
We are the harlots and the hussies.
(Rogues are we)
Mr. Freeze:
We are the swindlers and the cheats.
(Rogues are we)
Poison Ivy:
We’re rising up from the underground.
(Rogues are we)
Penguin:
We’re taking over your streets!
Rogues:
Rogues are we!
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3. |
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Sweet Tooth:
Rogues! (Hup) Assemble. Gather. Unite. (Bee bop).
And take a mental snapshot of this most auspicious night. (Wooo)
We’ve got strength in numbers now, the battle can begin.
We’re waging war on Batman, and the war is our’s to win.
Rise up! Like a natural disaster.
We take The Bat, then we take back the town!
We harm in harmony, arm in arm we hold our stance.
In solidarity he hasn’t a chance.
Rogues:
Rogues are we!
Rise up! Like a natural disaster.
We take The Bat, then we take back the town!
We harm in harmony, arm in arm we hold our stance.
In solidarity he hasn’t a chance.
Evil Mother Goose:
Honk!
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4. |
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Batman:
We’re like long lost brothers who’ve found each other
And love each other like family.
Though we’re not related and it’s totally belated
I’m elated just to say
You are my bro. Mi Amigo. And where I go is where you go.
Batman and Robin:
And it feels as though it was destined to be so
So very nice.
How could it all have been so
Lonesome and hopeless I know
Promise you won’t go out
And get mugged and murdered on me
(Cross my heart)
I’ll never let that happen
We’ll have each other’s backs and
Listen to the Jackson Five
And dance the night away.
Batman:
Robin you parted the clouds
And by the light of the moon we have found the sunrise.
Never thought I’d find it
Truly blinded by it
So bright, so bright, so bright.
Robin:
You are my bright knight.
Batman:
You’re my morning bird.
Batman and Robin:
We’re wingmen singing in thirds.
You bring spring to my winter
Flying on the friendship ship.
Batman:
You are my bright knight.
Robin:
You’re my morning bird.
Batman and Robin:
We’re wingmen, my vision is blurred
For the tears of joy, no more dark, sad, lonely knights.
Buddies! Bros! Homies! Amigos! Pizza! Nintendo!
Woooo, woooo, woooo, let’s go!
We’re like long lost brothers who’ve found each other
And love each other like family.
You are my bro, mi amigo, and where I go is where we go.
And it feels as though it was destined to be so, so very nice.
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5. |
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Superman:
Truth and liberty and justice all are in jeopardy tonight.
All we cherish here, and all the values that we hold dear
Are in the balance tonight.
But we’re American, and it’s America, and in America
We do what’s right.
The firetruck’s here for the kitty in the tree,
Superman and Citizens
Oh the American way!
Superman:
And if the cops can’t come, you can always call on me.
Superman and Citizens:
That’s the American way!
Superman:
Because I can, therefore I will.
Batman:
Tonight it’s personal, I’m unleashing my arsenal
To rain blood tonight.
Tonight I’m gonna save my bro
And if all of Gotham has got to go
Then so be it.
Cause it’s America, and I’m American, and in America
I do what I like.
If money can’t fix it than I haven’t found it yet.
Citizens:
Oh the American way!
Batman:
Be a born billionaire and have your butler build a jet.
Citizens:
That’s the American way!
Batman:
Because I can, save my friend, I have no parents,
I’m my own boss man.
Sweet Tooth:
Tonight we’re taking back the town
We’ve got a bat trap set we’re gonna catch the clown
In Gotham tonight.
We’ve got a warhead ready in the water supply
Tonight The Bat and his bull won’t fly
So Gotham goodnight!
Cause it’s America, and we’re American, and in America
We fight!
Never gonna win ‘til your enemies are dead
Sweet Tooth and Rogues:
Oh the American way!
Sweet Tooth:
Spreading dread and blowing up their heads.
Sweet Tooth and Rogues:
That’s the American way!
Sweet Tooth:
Because I candy do as I please, I’m spreading chocolate
On Gotham’s cheese.
Superman:
The letter of the law is a capital “S.”
Citizens:
Oh the American way!
Citizen:
We’re all just pawns in a fuckin’ game of chess.
Citizens:
That’s the American way!
Two Face:
A briefcase filled with two dollar bills.
Citizens:
Oh the American way!
Batman:
Inheritance trust funds, million dollar bills.
Citizens:
Oh the American
Not quite Canadian
Most of us are Mexican
American way!
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6. |
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Superman:
I am a man of justice
I am a man of might
Batman:
I am a man of vengeance
I am a man of the night
You’re such a sycophantic suck up.
How can you call yourself a man?
You say you fight for truth and justice?
I say you’re working for the man, man.
Superman:
You line your mask with lead
But I can see into your soul
I see a scared little boy
Behind the cape and the cowl.
Batman and Superman:
Fuck you!
I’m gonna kick your ass
Fuck you!
I’m taking you down
Fuck you!
You want to be the man,
You’ve got to beat the man.
I’m gonna show you what it means to be a man, man.
Batman:
I’ve learned a lot about life
Since I got me a bro.
Superman:
You mean your tiny little sidekick?
You guys are so adorable.
Batman:
You’re only jealous man,
It’s so obvious, so clear.
Superman:
Me with a sidekick, come on!
Batman:
I’ve got one for you right here.
Batman and Superman:
Fuck you!
I’m gonna kick your ass
Fuck you!
I’m taking you down
Fuck you!
You want to be the man,
You’ve got to beat the man.
I’m gonna show you what it means to be a man, man.
Superman:
All of your toys amuse me
The boat, the Batmobile, the bike, the plane.
But you can’t grappling hook me
Can’t hit me with your boomerang, naw!
Batman:
You look cool in your tights
For an alien dick
I got some kryptonite tonight
I’m onto your shtick.
Fuck you!
Batman and Superman:
Fuck you!
I’m gonna kick your ass
Fuck you!
I’m taking you down
Fuck you!
You want to be the man,
You’ve got to beat the man.
I’m gonna show you what it means to be a man, man.
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7. |
HMB Cast - Super Friends
03:30
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Batman:
It seems so funny as I look back on the folly of my ways
I climbed as high as one can climb all alone.
I scaled the highest mountain did a pirouette at the tippity top
And when you
Super Friends:
Gotta get down, gotta get down, gotta get down
You need someone to count on.
Green Lantern:
Some mark their friendship with bracelets and lockets.
Superman:
Some measure their friendship in silver and gold.
Spiderman:
Some show their friendship with matching tatooos.
Super Friends:
We forge our friendship by saving the world!
I want to be your friend forever.
Robin:
I want to be a modern dancer!
Super Friends:
What a super queer thing to say that came out of nowhere.
I want to be your friend forever.
Robin:
Pass me the cup of kinship.
Superman:
Meet me at my place, the fortress of friendship.
Super Friends:
I want to be your friend forever.
Robin:
I want to see the Eiffel Tower.
Super Friends:
With the power of a super friend, you’re never alone.
I want to be your friend forever.
Robin:
I want to play Nintendo.
Super Friends:
Who needs Nintendo when you’ve got a friend, oh!
Batman:
Like a bat in the sun, I’m losing my guano.
I’ve only known darkness all my days.
Super Friends:
Dude it’s cool, it’s chill, we’re totally here for you.
Batman:
Will there still be scary times?
And sad times? Then what?
Robin:
Tequila times.
Green Lantern:
I’ve got the limes.
Super Friends:
I want to be your friend forever.
Robin:
I want to meet the Dali Lama.
Super Friends:
With the power of a super friend you’re never alone.
I want to be your friend forever.
Robin:
I want to learn to play the banjo.
Super Friends:
Who needs a banjo when you’ve got a man show!
All superheroes:
I want to be your friend forever!
I want to be your friend forever!
I want to be your friend forever!
I want to be your friend forever!
Finally, I’ve found a friend
I’ve finally found a friend!
Super friends, super duper friends!
Super friends, super duper friends!
Narrator:
One man, many friends!
Going down a road that never ends.
Super friends, super bros.
Super hearts with super souls.
All superheroes:
We’re like long lost brothers who’ve found each other
And love each other like family
Holy musical!
No more dark sad lonely nights!
Rogues are we!
No more dark sad lonely nights!
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13. |
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music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamps
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