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A Very Potter Sequel

by StarKid Productions

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about

The amazing (partial) soundtrack for the most successful internet-based parody musical of the Harry Potter series ever! A VERY POTTER SEQUEL!

Harry and his pals are back for more adventure than ever when they face off against dark wizards, demented monsters, and the most horrible woman in the world, Dolores Umbridge! So strap on your diapers because it's time to go back to Hogwarts!

credits

released 31 July 2010

A Very Potter Sequel written by Matt Lang, Nick Lang, & Brian Holden

Music and lyrics by Darren Criss

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license

all rights reserved

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Track Name: Lucius Malfoy & the Death Eaters! - Not Over Yet
LUCIUS:

Don't ever tell me what I can't do
I'd watch my tongue if I were you
for all we know, you-know-who
could be watching us

YAXLEY:

[spoken] "He can't be, he's dead!"

LUCIUS:

You think that's stopped our plans before?
You've no idea what I have in store!
You really think that you'd be at my door
if we had nothing to discuss?
He may be gone, but that is just as well...

So come inside, don't you fret
for it's not over yet!

DEATH EATER CHORUS:

Evil plans!
We are making evil plans!
Evil deeds with evil hands!
We love making evil plans!

LUCIUS:

I know it seems impossible, we've been thrown off our track.
But if we can't move forward, why shouldn't we move back?

Friends and companions of evil and sin:
Think not of loss, but a new way to win.
For what is present without a beginning
to start it all?

YAXLEY:

[spoken] "Go on..."

LUCUIS:

There is a boy that everyone knows;
The plan is simple: I propose that
we choke cut the weed before it grows
up and ends it all

Do you follow me?

DEATH EATER #1:

[spoken] "No."

LUCIUS:

The Dark Lord?
Would have survived, had they never met...

DEATH EATER #2:

[spoken] "So you're saying that he wouldn't be destroyed?"

LUCIUS:

He'd be alive, what don't you get?

DEATH EATER #3:

[spoken] "Still not understanding..."

LUCIUS:

With Potter gone, the future will be set!

DEATH EATERS:

[spoken] "Aaahhhhhh!"

LUCIUS:

... So it's not over yet!

DEATH EATERS:

Evil plans!
What a brilliant evil plan!
Malfoy, you're an evil man!
We love making evil plans!

ALL:

Our history is nothing more
than what the losers settle for

LUCIUS:

So look alive, and don't forget
that's it's not over

ALL:

It's not over,
No, it's not over yet!
Track Name: Ron, Rita Skeeter, Harry, & Platform 9 3/4 - Harry Freakin' Potter
RON:

You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
You don't understand
you're a legend, man,
to us all!

Every son and daughter--

RON & THE KIDS: [spoken] "SAFE!"

RON:

... From You-Know-Who,
all because of you!
You were small,
but I wonder if you can recall...

[CHORUS: Oooo...]

RON:

Long story short,
this guy,
[whispered] "Voldemort"
was super cruel...

HARRY:

[spoken] "Voldemort?"

THE KIDS:

[GASP!] "SHHH!!!"

CHORUS: Oooo...]

RON:
... Tried to kill you & your parents,
and this is where it gets intensely cool...

Even though you were a tiny little boy,
you shoulda died but you survived and then destroyed
this evil guy and it's story we enjoy to tell....

RON & THE KIDS:

You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
We don't prefer Gandalf,
Merlin, or Oz,
You're a whole lot hotter!
With that lighting scar,
you're a superstar to us all!
If we're in trouble we know who to call!

[DANCE BREAK]

RITA SKEETER:

You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
I wouldn't wince at all,
you're invincible to all harm!

Like betty crocker--

RITA SKEETER & THE KIDS:

[Oooh!]

RITA:

... I wanna eat you up!
No one'll beat you up
with that charm!
Remember, Harry, kid,
you're the Boss,
you're the King,
you're the Bomb!

HARRY:

But this is all so sad,
I mean, my Mom and Dad
were killed, long ago...

THE KIDS:

[Long ago they died!]

HARRY:

... I wanna be psyched,
but being unliked
is all I know...

CHORUS:

[... All he knows, that's why--]

HARRY:

I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate,
an opportunity eleven years late...
I guess it's time for me step up to the plate
and show 'em that I'm something great!

I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!
I'll do what I can
if what you say I am is true!

I can't be bothered
by my awful past,
I've found at last
something I can do,
so it's time I knew
exactly who I am...

I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!

THE KIDS:

You're Harry Freakin' Potter!

HARRY & THE KIDS

I'm/You're Harry Freakin' Potter--

HARRY:

... And I'm the Man!

THE KIDS:

[Ahhhhhh]

HARRY & THE KIDS:

[spoken] "HARRY FREAKIN' POTTER!"
Track Name: Harry, Ron, Lupin, & the Gang - Hermione Can't Draw
HARRY:
Hermione can't draw,
Hermione can't draw,

THE GANG:
Hermione cannot draw.

She only reads books,
And she can not draw,
Even if she's reading
A how to draw book.

Lupin can't sing,
Lupin can't sing,
Lupin cannot sing...
Track Name: Dumbledore & Umbridge - Gettin' Along
DUMBLEDORE:
I bet
you're the one who gets
all of the boys to buy you things.

UMBRIDGE:

I'm sure
that you get all the girls
to beg you for their wedding rings.

DUMBLEDORE:

I like your twisted humor!

UMBRIDGE:

I like your mystic rumors!

DUMBLEDORE & UMBRIDGE:

I'd say we can assume we're
gonna get along!

UMBRIDGE:

You're not
like average Joes,
or Jims or Tims or Johns.

DUMBLEDORE:

... And I'd wager
that you'd never run from danger
with those muscles made of bronze!

I can safely shout
without a doubt
that it won't take very long...

DUMBLEDORE & UMBRIDGE:

... Before we're getting--
--and not regretting--
ever setting on gettin' along!

[DANCE BREAK]

DUMBLEDORE:

You are a beautiful sample!
For example,
my gosh-- you're so strong!

What's-a matter with me?

UMBRIDGE:

Now you're just flattering me!

DUMBLEDORE & UMBRIDGE:

... Oh, how we're both just gettin' along!

UMBRIDGE:

I've never felt this way before...

DUMBLEDORE:

[spoken] "Felt how?"

UMBRIDGE:

[spoken] "Um, intimidated..."

... You have such prominence and poise.

DUMBLEDORE:

[spoken] "Oh, that ol' thing--"

... Baby, it's just me, Dumbledore.

So just try to relax,
face the facts:
You feel just like one of the boys!

UMBRIDGE:

[spoken] "One of the boys? I do?!"

DUMBLEDORE:

[spoken] "You sure do baby!"

UMBRIDGE:

Yes sir,
you're the one professor
that'd II'd want detention from!

DUMBLEDORE:

Umbridge-
you're the handsome wizard
that'd I'd want an extension from!

UMBRIDGE:

[spoken] "... And I'd give it to you!"

DUMBLEDORE:

I'll get the door!

UMBRIDGE:

You'll get much more!

DUMBLEDORE & UMBRIDGE:

Either way we can't go wrong...

With how shamelessly
and how famously
we're both just getting' along...

We'll be get, get, gettin',
get, get, gettin',
gettin' along!
Track Name: Lucius Malfoy & Snape - Guys Like Potter
LUCIUS:

There are so many douchebags in the world.
Yes, so many douchebags get the girls
who deserve more than absolutely anything
than any charm or potion could ever bring.
But men like that, they have her on a string,
and they don't care,

For there will always be guys like Potter.
To realize tears in your eyes because he got her.
She'll never ever know how much you'd have brought her...

If you'd only done
something more for the one,
back when you were young...

SNAPE:

So many assholes in this place.
So many assholes in my face!
Why can't they leave me alone--
To love princesses, maids, and queens?
They wouldn't ever be in between...

LUCIUS & SNAPE:

We'd them nice and never be mean.
And we would care...

But there will always be guys like Potter.
Who'll quench the flame like it's a game with drops of water
He'll never think her perfect as you/I thought her...

LUCIUS:

... But now you're alone,
left to pout and moan,
'cause you were totally pwnd.